I just feel like my job is so useless...as in I do nothing for the clients at the one program. The program is a joke and the head people don't care what we staff have to say. The program could be good, but they let the kids be lazy and filthy and ugh...

I don't want to look for another job for a few reasons...one I want to be able to have the flexibility...two i want to get pregnant so bad and don't want to have to quit a job or miss appointments for trying to get pregnant...and three then I get to babysit Maile when they're in town....sigh...I just want to do something useful with my life. I would totally do something like go to Haiti or somewhere to help out and feel like I'm making a difference some where.

But now I just feel useless. I just want to be a mom so bad. I truly feel like that's what I'm supposed to do...be a mom and a wife and take care of them and teach them about God and love them and help them be who THEY want to be, not who someone else wants them to be.

I would do so many things over in life. LIke stick up for myself and what I really want to do. I didn't really want to go into criminal justice. I mean at one point in time I did because of the movie The Client, but then I wish I would have done nutrition or something. Not that I haven't enjoyed working at the jobs I have had with kids, I just am over it. I want my own kids now.

Sigh...anyway...last night was awesome! I just love J man :)

OH yeah so anyway, that past few weeks working at Mo I just sit and read or maybe watch a movie. I'm sorry but I'm not going to clean up after the slobs. I get paid pretty much nothing and it's not teaching them anything if someones always wiping their butt or holding their hand. And they just eat and eat and it grosses me out!! Someone needs to take them to the doctor and have the doctor tell them they are gonna die of heart disease if they don't start working out or eating crap!!

Well at least the highlight of my week comes tomorrow! Babysitting my two favorite boys here in Oregon :) B and K :)

All for now...