It's a whirlwind in here...

So I haven't blogged in awhile. I've wanted to don't get me wrong. I just couldn't get myself to do it. There is so much that's going on and so much I could blog about that I just kept letting the thoughts in my mind keep piling up instead of typing away.

So my third sister N is getting a divorce. She just found out that her husband had been having a three month affair with some nasty ass whore in Hawaii. He was back there (because of my sisters financial support and emotional support) flying for an airline to get his captains license. Since he first got back there end of October he's been cheating on my sister. Then my sister even went back there to visit him. Everyone knew back there, but no one said anything. Of course ass face told all these lies about my sister to them, but once they met my sister they knew that butt face was a LIAR! And they caught him in lies ALL the time!

But my sister was informed of his assholeness from the girls friend who thinks he is a deusch bag! Well she hit that right on the head! I get so mad lately just thinking about it all. My sister is this amazingly beautiful person inside and out. How could he do this to her?? I mean she is going to be so much better off in life, which she already is now. I feel like punching him if I ever saw him again. He didn't just do this to my sister, but to my family who was so giving and accepting of him for 7 years! We helped buy him his flying shit and everything.

I hate him. I know hate is a strong word, but I don't know what else to use. I mean saying all the horrible words I can think of helps a little, but only for a little bit. He was my brother in law. I did care about him you know. I feel like screaming! I can only imagine what my sister is going through inside. For her to even think something is wrong with her just kills me. She's AMAZING. And I'm not just saying that because she is my sister, but ask anyone, they will agree.

I mean it doesn't really surprise any of us since his mom was a lying cheating whore. She cheated on all her husbands...but when you love someone, you don't want to think they can do that...I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. UGH

I just have a lot of anger in me. I hurt for my sister. It's like I can't stop thinking about it. I just want her to find someone who will love her and share their life with her. Someone who isn't controlling like ass munch.

Sigh...I don't feel good. My stomach is in knots. Well til next time...

Girls Gone Wild...well not really

So this past Saturday I had a girls night. There ended up being six total of us. OH MAN was it super fun! We started the night off by chit chatting and catching up with what's been going on with all of us and the latest gossip of who's pregnant, who's moving, etc. So while we're chatting away we cooked the pizza and made some drinks. Well, Tink, Mrs. Z, and me had jager bombs! It was so funny because when Tink was drinking hers she only drank the rockstar and somehow managed to miss the jager. It was pretty funny. Then Mrs. Z had to take another with Mrs. H.

Then as we were eating and drinking I decided to put some music on so we listened to Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus! haha GNO! And then we had to bust out the cha cha slide. Man I love that dance. Me and Tink rocked it! I was so hyper that night I was running from place to place! Then it was time for Kareoke! Mrs. Z has the raddest set up! There were SOOOOO many songs to choose from. Tink was hilarious!!! She was jumping up and down like it was Christmas! And I think we first sang, Tearing up my heart by N'Sync and she was like, "I'm Justin Timberlake!" LOL She cracked me up. And while we were singing I had the camcorder going. OH MAN....black mail! Then we sang some Celine and other songs and then Mrs. H and Tink busted out a country song. So Miss K, Mrs. Dub, Tink, Me, Mrs. Z and Mrs. H rocked the kareoke American Idol style. I guess I would have to say we'd end up on the reject reel! I laughed so much. We all laughed so much.

After we were done singing Kareoke and Tink attacking paco with love we went back in the kitchen for more drinks. Then we chatted for a long time. By this time Tink and Miss K were sleepy and laid down. We tried to drag them off the couch...but it was no hope! So Mrs. Z, Dub, H and me all decided to go to Witchita Pub right by my house. Oh man was that SO much fun. We got in there and immediately the attention was on us. We got some drinks and then sat down at a booth and talked. Then finally some good music was playing thanks to me and Mrs. Dub talking to the DJ. And then our dancing feet started and didn't stop until the night was over!! I think we went home around 2? I have no idea actually! All I know is when we went to bed it was 3:30am

Anyway, the DJ rocked! He played any song we wanted! He played the cha cha slide and me, mrs. Z and Mrs. H ROCKED IT! The DJ was like look at the ladies own the floor! Yeah that's right! We owned it! Then we did a little line dancing, a little booty shaking and a little bit of getting low to the floor. All in all it was a very successful girls night! Mission accomplished! OH and we took 147 pictures, just on my camera! Priceless!

Til next time! I really can't wait! Woo hoo!

Every Little Thing and Then Some

I haven't written in a few days or more so I thought I'd get back to it. I've been back to work and let me tell you...it is a job you just don't get paid enough to do, but luckily I work with great people. There are days I love my job...then there are days I wonder why I am wasting my time constantly having to redirect kids just to have them not listen to you. Yeah, maybe some of these kids will turn out good, but some....well let's just leave it at that...

I don't even know what I really want to do in life. I mean, I do know I want to have a family. A little Josh or little Tiff :) I know God has something planned out for me. So whatever that may be, I'll take it with love and pride. My bestfriend is almost 4 months prego and I CANNOT wait to find out what she is having! Every time we talk, which is multiple times a day for long periods of time, I always say, "he" without realizing it. Whatever she has is going to be gorgeous and she and her husband will be so happy! It's sad not being down there with her going through this life changing experience. We always talked about when we were younger, that we couldn't wait to raise our kids together and do all that fun mom stuff. But at least a plane ride is only 2 and 1/2 hours away. I miss her so much. Terribly. :(

So I just love American Idol. There are some great singers again this year. My favorites are, Alaina, Kristy Lee, Kady, and Asia (not spelled that way, but you get it). And for the guys I like David Archuleta and Michael Johns. So there you have it. I can't wait to see who gets voted off tonight! I am disappointed that I had to miss America's Next Top Model last night b/c two of my shows were on and being tivo'd! Oh the drama in life...lol

I also enjoy watching Big Brother. First of all...Jen could have prevented having to tell her secret that her and Ryan were dating if she just would have told Parker to talk to Ryan and not get him nominated. DUMB! And when he watches the show he is going to see that she lied to him about what she told Sheila...Stupid...

So last night there was a lunar exlipse. It was pretty cool. I loved looking outside and seeing all the stars light up the sky. It made me want to go to my parents house and lay outside looking for shooting stars. I can't wait for summer. Summer is just the happiest time for me. Life just seems so much more carefree in the summer. This summer I am going to drive back to Iowa with my sister T and her husband and my niece M and help them move back there. It will be nice to spend that time with them, especially not knowing when I will see them next.

Yesterday, I baby-sat M and she is just a doll and I love her so much! Then T came over and I made her dinner and then baked her cookies! But I could not have any as I gave them up for Lent. It was so fun hanging out with her. I'm gonna miss her. :( But as Bob Marley says...Every Little Thing is Gonna be alright.

Well, I should do some laundry, listen to music, dance around the house, and then start another project.

Til next time...pray for those in need.

I wanna grow old Loving You

Happy Valentines Day! So far so good :) I woke up this morning at 6:15am to get ready for work. I just got back from Iowa and haven't had time to unpack as I went from the airport, to 5 hours of sleep, to work the next morning, spent time with family, sleep, then work again. Anyway, my point is, I went downstairs to find something to wear out of my suitcase. I was searching through my clothes and found what I wanted. Then I went upstairs to get dressed. I then realized I needed socks so I went back down stairs. And I must have been really out of it when I first went down there because, lo and behold, on the counter top was jelly beans (white, pink, and red) surrounding a card and white chocolate covered pretzels in a bag and the flowers he gave me when I got home from Iowa. I excitedly opened up the card, read it, and fell in love all over again with my husband, my bestfriend, my love.

Here is it what it said....

I Want To Grow Old Loving You

There's nothing I would rather do

Than live my life in love with you-

The fun that being with you brings,

Our memories made of little things,

The talks we have,

the jokes we share,

the hugs, the kisses here and there...

What better reason could there be

To ask you to grow old with me!

Happy Valentine Day

Love, J

I'm so smitten:) I have such an amazing husband. I can't wait til he gets home!! I went to the store and bought some good eats for dinner tonight. Yeah! And this weekend we are doing something, which I have no idea because he won't tell me!

Til next time...tell the person you love, you love them :)

Baby Bloopers part II and B's soccer moments

So a week ago I think...I was holding little B, talking to him, rocking him, and then WHAM! The little guy up-chucked on me! And I don't mean a little burp with some spit up. Like curdly chunks! But it was pretty funny. Then he was taking a snooze and sleeping on my chest and let me tell you...this little guy definitely fits in with the family...he just kept honking throughout his sleep. Not quiet little honks, but good loud honks. And I knew when he was going to do this be/c he would scrunch up his legs and then stretch them out and then HONK! Oh man my sister and I were laughing so hard.

So while I was in Iowa I took B to her indoor soccer practices on Mondays. Well, this past Monday, she got to be the cat, in the cat and mouse game since she won the whole thing last time. So she chased down those mice and got them all! Such a proud auntie am I! Then when they started their game I could not help but laugh watching the little tykes chase after the one person in possession of the ball. You ever see those Chinese Dragons in parades? You know how when the front moves the rest of it follows. Well imagine that and that is what the kids looked like. Then it was dominoes out on the court! One little girl kept falling down and then the third time she fell from "exhaustion" a little boy tripped over her which he then in turn knocked another little boy down. OH MAN! It's not funny when they cry, but it was sure funny watching it all happen from the sidelines! Then when the game was still going on...the kids would just run off the court to get water without telling the coach. It was quite comedic.

Anyway, Just thought I would share some of the humor of my times in Iowa.

Til next time...

Back to reality....

Well, here I am. Back at work. Back in Oregon. Back to reality. Yesterday I spent the day helping my sister clean and organize her house and ran a few errands. It was nice not having to leave until 8 at night so I got to spend more time with my sister.

I picked B up after school and when we got back home we showed her the birth of her brother. During it she was covering her ears. I asked her why she was doing this and she said, "Because when mom yells it's too loud!" (Hopefully this is good birth control!) After that, B and I went downstairs and listened to music, sang, danced, jumped on the bed mattress. I even video-taped her singing and dancing and it is so uber cute!

B then wanted to go sing a song for her mom/my sister. She sang the song, I miss you, by Miley Cyrus and dedicated it to her grandpa, her dad's dad the passed away a few years ago. So she started singing it and I just got all teary-eyed as so did my sister. It really made me think of my grandpa and how much I miss him.

It was now dinner time and I had half an hour to go before it was time to leave. This is the part I was dreading. This is the part where I wished I had just gotten there and I still had another 3 weeks left. Time really flew on by. Time is so precious nowadays. When you're young time seems to stand still, but when you're older, you always seem to be searching for more time.

Dinner was over, my bags were packed, and the tears started to form in my eyes. The time had come and my 3 weeks in Iowa had finally come to an end. My sister and I exchanged hugs, more than once, I kissed and hugged my little baby nephew, and hugged my niece and told her to take care of my sister and little nephew. As I was ready to walk out the door, I quickly turned back and hugged my sister and niece again. I got in the car and took a big breath. Then my sister opened the house door and said, "Wait!" Then she moved over and B was standing there crying so hard. I opened the car door and ran inside and hugged B so tight and so long as we both stood there hugging eachother and crying so hard. I then hugged my sister again and told them I both loved them and got in the car and drove away with my brother in law.

This sucks. I hate leaving family. Especially not knowing when you'll see them next. When I got to the airport my bro in law helped me with my bags and then said so long til next time. Then I sat and waited for my plane to board. My niece called and left me a message that about broke my heart. Then I called her and talked to her a little bit before my plane boarded.

As I sat on the plane, I was listening to the Hannah Montana2 cd. *It's good! Don't judge until you've listened to it! ha! :) Anyway, it makes me think of B and all the fun times we had together. There is a song, One in a Million on it that I kept listening to over and over and was getting teary eyed. I miss my sister and niece so much already. It even made it more real that my sister T is moving to Iowa and that I won't get to see my goddaughter all the time. But I am glad that my sister D will finally have family and her sister live by her. Because I for one love living close to my sisters. Although I'm not sure how long that will last as my sister N may be moving to Colorado to where her husband may get a job flying there. Then it'll just be me left in Oregon, with my parents here of course. But the bond of sisters is something so special and so strong.

Anyway, my plane finally landed in P-town and I was really excited to see my husband. (minus the facial hair!) lol so I walk and there he is waiting for me. I walk up to him (although I thought about running) and hugged him and kissed him. Then he presented me with a dozen red and pink roses :) Ah I love my man. It was so great to see him after really not seeing him for 5 weeks due to us working so much, watching my sisters dogs, and me being in Iowa. When we were driving home he told me that I could never be gone for that long away from him again! So cute :)

Well, so here I am back at work. Boring ol work. But at least I'm making money again!

Til next time...cherish those you love.

Oh sweet nothings....

So yesterday was Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Most every year I give up sweets because during the holidays I get his incredibly sweet tooth! So once again....goodbye candy....goodbye cookies....goodbye ice cream....goodbye cake (don't eat that really)....goodbye pie...goodbye sugar...til we meet again on Easter....maybe!

One year I gave up soda and I didn't drink it again for like three years! So I'm really going to try my darndest to not give into sweets after Lent is up and keep up my discipline. I'm not just giving up sweets, but I'm also striving to be a better person. Being there for my family and friends no matter what (although I'm usually there in a heartbeat). But just listening more instead of giving my opinion unless they ask. And focus on the good in life. Although at times this can be hard, when so many things seem to be going wrong. I can only look for the good in all situations. Cause there usually is a silverlining at the end of the road...is that the right saying?? Well you know what I mean.

Anyway, til next time...eat sweets for me! haha

Palm Springs or...well somewhere HOT!

Well I don't know about you, but I am a fan for the sun!! I crave it. I love it. I need it. Obsessed much? yes! And living in Oregon...well...the sun only comes around starting in May (if we're lucky) to September (even though Sept was rainy!). And I'm talking heat. Nost just sun in the sky. I'm talking laying out with daquiri in hand kind of sun. Oh I can picture it now. Laying out with my girls (friends, not topless)!

So I mentioned to my friends about going to Palm Springs again. Last year six of us went...The other mother, Ghetto Booty, Me, The other DD, Mrs. K, and Hollywood. IT WAS A BLAST! It was like a pre-bachelorette getaway. We laid in the sun ALL day and lounged in the pool as we drank water at times, but our own concoctions as well. At night...ok well around 3pm we would start getting ready for the night! HA! 6 girls...one shower...huge master bedroom with mirrors everywhere...naked girls getting ready...hair and makeup...can you picture the fun now?!?!

I think I my self took over 600 pictures!! Record?! Pretty much! Oh the good times, great people we met, and great food we had too, oh and of course the wonderful drinks Mr. P made us. I sure miss that guy! Oh the stories that happened on that trip...LOL.

So anyway, I really want to go back there with my girls. I'll most likely be going down end of May to see my friend California Blondie since she is Prego and her husband will be busy working and I haven't seen her since my wedding! Such sadness. Although she and I do talk everyday for like 2 hours straight!

So I am going to be doing some research on prices and places and all that good stuff!

Til the next post...dream of sweet sunshine!

Stupid Job

Ok so, this morning I woke up and thought, Oh shit! I forgot pay day is this friday. And normally I would be like, yeah, pay day is this friday! But would you like to KNOW why I was like Oh shit?!?! Because NOW stupid work wants everyone to verify by checking there timecards and clicking a box that says you approve of the hours. Whereas before, you would look at it and if it wasn't right you just filled out an EER for the corrected hours. But now, even if it is right, you still have to verify. BUT! I forwarded the website with the timecard on it, and it doesn't work!! Because since I am considered, "on-call" status (although at times I work 40 hours or more) I don't always work at the main campus where the timecard website works!

So I emailed the payroll lady, Mrs. P, and asked her if she could verify it for me because I would be in Iowa for 3 weeks and that I had forwarded to me but it didn't work. So she wrote me back and said sure, just make sure when you get back you talk to Mr. A about it to fix the hyperlink or whatever crap. SO then I emailed her again this morning and told her I was still in Iowa and forgot I would be gone for two pay periods and asked if she could verify it for me again, even though it was only a day on it. And she wrote back and said....I'm sorry...but I can't do this for you. And said how pay roll had already been processed and in the future I needed to talk to my supervisor about it.

Well, I'm sorry, then don't do it in the first place for me last time and not tell me then that I needed to talk to him about it. UGH &*(#(&^(#^*(!! I know it's only one day and it's not that big of a deal. But why do it once and then not again? Stupid no good rotten piece of no good job! UGH!

Ok, I feel better now. Just annoyed as can be. What do you think?!

OK til next time....find a new job!! :)

Baby Bloopers!

Ok so my nephew is such a ham! I swear he does something funny everyday! Soo yesterday my brother in law Big B was changing little B's diaper and no sooner does he have the diaper off, little B pees in Big B's face! AHAHAHA SOOO funny! I just sat there laughing and then got a wash cloth for him. Then today, Little B peed in his face! Oops! I think he has gone through a lot of outfits this past week...or I guess two days! Good thing he has a lot of clothes! Oh good times good times.

Til next time...read the comics!

*The Joys of Friendship*

I'm very fortunate to have some of the bestfriends ever. And you really find out who your friends are when it matters most. And I'm not just talking about when I'm down in the dumps. I'm talking about the friends who email just to say hi. To text just to say what's up. I think people forget to care when people are happy. It's like the damn tabloids...people wanting to read the dirt or read when people are hurting, but rarely people care about the good times. It's just really nice to know I have friends who are there for me through good times and bad times.

I think one of the nicest things anyone has ever offered was said today. My friend DD said that she would give my dad her kidney if their blood type matched. I haven't even known her for a year, yet she is willing to do something like that. It's something I would do too though. That's a great friend right there.

And then it means a lot to me to get the sweet little texts from my other friends, that just say, hey I'm thinking about you. Miss you. It's just nice to know that your friends are thinking about you as you are also thinking about them. It just really warms the heart. I miss my little pixie dust and DD. And am so glad that they are talking again. And I can't wait for "I need some estrogen" night hahaha great phrase DD! Love it.

I Miss my California Blonde. :( She and I talk every day. Usually for like an hour or more at a time. We laugh so much on the phone it's crazy! Today we kept each other company as we watched the E!True Hollywood Story of Britney Spears. I'm thinking I may go see her end of May. She and I were getting really excited about it! I love California! Probably be/c a lot of the people I love live down there.

Well I have to go pick up B....so til next time...send a little note to your friends just to say hi.

Who would say something like that?!

So last night I fell asleep watching t.v. I woke up and checked my phone to see what time it was and it was 12:43am. And there was no missed call from my husband!! He always calls or texts before he goes to bed. So I call him and he answers. *Oh how I love his sexy voice :) Anyway, I asked him what he was up to and he said he was watching the Natalie Holloway story on 20/20. He told me that a guy had confessed to killing her because they had set him up.

At this time, my sister came out to the living room because my nephew was hungry. I told her what Josh had said and she's like it's good to finally have some resolution of it all. I agreed. Then, I went to bed and morning came. I mentioned the Natalie Holloway story again and she said this morning on the news they said that the guy said he was lying that he didn't kill her.

First of all, who the hell in the first place would say they murdered someone and then say oh no I was just lying. Bull crap! I don't believe it. And they just need to send his ars to jail. You don't joke or lie about that stuff. It's sick and only a killer would say something like that. Ugh. I'm just so disgusted.

Anyway, I hope they do bust his butt and find out for sure he did it.

Til later on...drink a latte :)

Well, the past few days have been an emotional roller coaster. First I find out my sister T is moving to Iowa and then I find out my dad's kidneys have gotten worse. His kidneys were functioning at a 30, but have recently gone down to a 20. If they go down another 10 he will have to be put on dialysis and will be put on for the list for a kidney transplant. I wish so bad that I had the same blood type as he did so I could give him one of mine, but I don't. It breaks my heart that I don't too. :(

I just pray that things work out for the best and be there for him every step of the way. We always say that we want to grow up, but the more we've grown up, the harder life seems to have gotten.

It's about time to get some shut eye. I just had to get this off my chest.

Til tomorrow...dream sweet dreams.

Sweet dreams are made of....nightmares?!

Good Morning fellow blog readers..if I have any that is...

Well, last night, I was watching Pride and Prejudice (with Keira Knightly) and trying to fall asleep. Well not really cause I really wanted to finish it this night since I've only been getting in ten minutes of it before I fall asleep. Anyway, so I obviously fell asleep because then the dreams started rolling in...

As in my previous blog I mentioned J and I are never moving out of Oregon. Well, my dream would have it otherwise, of course. So J tells me in my dream that he wants to move to California. (Which has always been the place I've wanted to move) But at this point in my life...I don't want to move anymore. So continuing on with the dream...J says that he quit his job and that he's gonna start working at my job! I'm like WHAT?! Then he said he's found an apartment in Citrus, California (if that even is a place!) and start looking for a job like he had up here. I was like there is no way you are moving away from me! *I think I had this dream since my one sisters husband is away.* So I start arguing with him in my dream telling him he always said we wouldn't move away from family and that I won't leave my family. Anyway, I finally woke up and was of course mad at him lol and went to call him, but realized it was 3 in the morning and that he wouldn't be awake. So when I talk to him this morning, I'm gonna make sure that he still plans on staying in Oregon! ha!

I had another nightmare, but I don't want to write about it because it was scary! Like movie scary! UGH!

Anyway, I know I'll be writing more later. But I'm going to help D clean the house while she takes little B to his first check-up.

Til we meet again...eat chocolate.

Oh the things 7 year olds say...

So if you read my previous post, my sister and her family are moving out to Iowa to live by my oldest sister and her family.

I needed to get out of the house and clear my mind. So of course...retail therapy. So my niece and I headed to the mall to shop for a few things and to see the Hannah Montana movie/concert. (It was actually pretty good :) But I like all music, for the most part.

Anyway, on our way up to the mall/movie, I had Carrie Underwoods, Some Hearts cd playing. We're just listening to it and the song, starts with goodbye came on. I am singing the song in my head and then I start to think...this is how I feel...like I'm gonna have a broken heart and cry when they leave...and right as I'm thinking that my niece pipes up and says....

B: Auntie, this song is for T, it's like how you are gonna be when they leave and how you're gonna be sad and cry and have a broken heart.

*Really?! Are you kidding me? IS she a mindreader! So then I call my sister/her mom and tell her that and she's like, "yeah she does that to me sometimes!" Then on our way home (I bought the Hannah Montana2 cd) we're listening to the song, I Miss You, and of course I'm thinking about my sister and niece...and B said this song can also be for how sad you're gonna be when they move out by us."*

As we were in Target, she and I were joking around. So here is how our conversation went....

B: I'm closer to my mom.

Me: What do you mean? Closer then little B?

B: Well, he and I are both closer to mommy because we were in her tummy.

Me: No, I'm closer to her because I grew up with her and I know her secrets. I know who her first kiss was.

B: Tell me.

Me: No, cause then you'll be closer to her.

B: Well, I don't care. I'm not gonna play with you if you don't tell me.

Me: That's ok. I don't want to play with you.

B: But I like to play with you auntie.

Me: No, it's ok. I've got M to play with and spoil.

B: Well, when they move out here I'll get to see her more than you!

Me: ....You got me on that one.... :(

*So, the point of this story is, don't mess with 7 year olds. They are pretty darn smart.*

Bitter Sweet

Well, I'm in Iowa right now, staying with my sister and brother-in-law. My sister just had a baby boy to add to the addition of their family. (already have a 6 3/4 year old daughter! That 3/4 is very important!) :) It's been pretty warm the past few days, and when I say warm...I mean like 29 degrees. When I first got here it was -25! So as you can see the temperature has greatly improved.

As for in Oregon, my parents just got at least 7 inches of fresh snow yesterday! So my dog has been romping around in it.

Well, yesterday, my second oldest sister just told us that her and her family (husband and my goddaughter/niece) are moving to Iowa where my oldest sister lives. I don't think it hit me at first at what she was saying because I kept a smile on my face as I stood in the shower, saying how happy I was for her and how I understood. Then she said she wanted to talk to our older sister. As I walked up the stairs, with the phone barely hanging on in my hand, the tears just fell like a dam had been broken. I started to cry...you know the kind of crying where you can barely breathe...and you feel like you are hyperventilating? That kind.

I got back in the shower, stood there and let my tears run with the flowing water. I immediately thought of my parents not having any of their grandkids near them now. I closed my eyes and began praying to God to please bless my husband and I with a baby. I want so much for my kids one day to grow up near their grandparents. Stupid me...I even wanted to have kids so that they could grow up with my goddaughter/niece and be close to their cousin, but that won't happen.

All these hundreds of thoughts began gushing through my mind. My parents. There only grandchild in Oregon, moving away from them...my goddaugther, I won't get to see her grow up now and spend every week with her...my dad's fishing partner, Mark, gone in Iowa....the holidays, separated....my parents just bought a hi-chair and play pen for there granddaughter, thinking she'll be seeing them every weekend....and missing my sister, playing volleyball with her, going over to her house all the time...

I know they are doing this to better there life and so my brother in law can make more money. My sister can then raise her daughter. They can have a nice house with a big backyard and a garage. It's just so bitter sweet. I want to be happy for them. And I am, but at the same time I want to be selfish and say I don't understand.

My other niece yesterday came downstairs and asked me if I was ok. She said, "Don't worry auntie, don't be sad. You can always come out here to vacation and you can see all of us then." Of course that made me cry AGAIN. I was pretty bummed the rest of the day, so I stayed downstairs listening to music and crying. I called my other sister and she and I cried...no, bawled on the phone together. Now I worry about her moving one day since her husband is a pilot. Then I'll be the only daughter left in Oregon.

My husband and I won't move since he has a great job and his family and well as my family...I mean my parents and one sister are in Oregon. As much as I say I want to move to a warmer state, I don't want to leave my parents. It's not like they are getting any younger, although they are pretty active.

I'm just crushed inside. Maybe people don't understand why this hurts so bad...but if you had a close family and then they get separated and you wonder when you're going to see them next, and most likely only if you fly out there, it just really sucks. I don't have anymore tears right now. It's hard to listen to music right now cause I swear every song that comes on is talking about missing someone or letting go, etc.

Well, hopefully I can look on the brightside of this...if there is one...